monday monday

Check list for the week

• improv class tonight- teaching stage combat and mime technique
• pack more so this upcoming move isn't as hectic as i believe it will be
• move to the new place and get settled in
• play at Mugshot's with the Monks and try and cement a gig for the near future
• Miss the wife and kid
• try and get the demo CD done by this upcoming weekend
• start memorizing lines for The Foreigner
• get Joe's input about Talk Radio
• get a budget done for future reference
  
• clone myself

be well people and know you're loved

Music soothes the savage beast

What does music mean to you? To me, it means quite a bit. I was raised in a musical family, from my mother playing the guitar to my grandfather singing Irish bar songs around the house. From Janis Joplin to Scott Joplin I try to listen to it all, except for Hardcore Gangsta Rap and Death metal. Music is who I am, in a way. When i wake in the morning I have music going through my head, when i go to sleep I often have to sing to myself (internally). I cannot stop thinking. When i relax it's to music. when i write, it's to music. Some would say I need auditory stimulation to get things done, well, if that was the case i should be able to write with someone talking next to me...not so. Music just stimulates me. I am part of a band, The Hardline Monks, and we practice twice a week. During those times I just let loose and soak in the comradeship and tunes. We are finally starting to get some gigs around town and this pleases me to no end for two reasons.

1. I get to share the music we've worked so hard to create with others.
2. It's a release for me emotionally, spiritually and physically.

Now, I don't run around the stage ala Iggy Pop but whatever the song may be my body is going through the motions. Happiness, sadness, anger...etc. After a really good show I am exhausted. We have finally recorded our demo cd to get us some more gigs and it is taking some time to get right. I am a perfectionist. What most may deem "suitable" I deem "unacceptable". Is this bad? no. I want the audience to get as much out of the music as I do and that means that everything must be the best it can be. I don't demand perfection, because God knows nothing is, but I want it the best it can be. We're home recording and mixing and producing it all internally and that gives me satisfaction that our vision can be heard. Now if only we had more originals so we could also make a bit of change ($). So, where am i going with this?

I get very miffed when people let the mundane and frivilous get in the way of progress. Our biggest problem with the band is lack of drive and commitment. Not on all parts, but on most. And this drives me Nukkin Futs! Agh...to many thoughts, gotta sort them out. more later.

answered prayers are not always what you want

so, i've been fighting with whether to move back to Texas for the past few days, since dad went into the hospital, and i've been praying that God would tell me what needs to be done. So, yesterday at church the spirit was moving strong as it has for the past few months and i went up to the alter and asked God what i should do.
Now, I'm not a big God talker as i have a bit of a stubborn streak in me and think that i know what's best for me and mine but i know it comes from growing up in the family i did as we are big do it yourself-ers, but i have learned over the past few years that I really am not in control and should rely on those better suited (God) to help me out. So, in my mind I hear "go sit down and open your walls", which i do as I don't always feel comfortable showing emotion in front of large groups of people. When i sat down I heard "you want to be with your family but don't you realize that you already are? Texas is not where you need to be now". That broke me instantly as it's not what i wanted to hear but knew was coming. Then He said "while you may not be there in person, your spirit is always there". Then Brian Grey came out of nowhere and leaned into me and said "You heard what He just said to you? Now is the time for you to become what He has always had for you. You need to be the Daddy you are meant to be." Well, the tears came pretty easy after that.
How can i empart knowledge to others when I fight so hard against giving myself over to ultimate knowledge? If i become a better man in Christ, the way i carry myself will transfer over and those around me will know that the change in me is because of Him. This spreads to my family in Texas as they see me as a rock of support and faith. They know where it comes from allready but now, i know that I have limited time to really show them and why it's so important to me that they understand.
I know I may not be there when family members pass on, but knowing that I told them of the light I have within me and where it comes from, makes all the difference. They believe in God but like so many others today, that's where it stops. Now I need to step up to the plate and let them know the Truth. Nice thing about it is that I don't have to do it by myself, I have friends and loved ones that will be happy to help and that fills me with joy. Please keep me and mine in your prayers, there's some rough waters ahead but I can see the light.

babysitting

so, tonight will be the beginning of a two day stretch of babysitting for me as Marie is going to a woman's conference during the day and into the evening. I'm happy to help out as much as i can but there is a bit of trepidation in the matter since I as a male am fairly inadequate in the area of tenderness and tact. I have no worries thought that all will turn out well since she's only about 15min away at all times. A few of the guys are coming over to play some Rock Band and kick around which will be fun. No word on how dad's doing yet, gotta call home tomorrow and see if i can get a update.

Pt. 1

For those who read this, you probably already know me and my family so i won't go too far into the past to get you up to date. Dad has been battling esophageal cancer for the past two years, beat it last Christmas and then found out there were some cancerous material on his tail bone into his lower back. He's been on more chemo to battle this and while it hasn't been as bad as the last round it is still strenuous and difficult. Yesterday he was admitted to the local hospital with SEVERE pain from his gal bladder and vomiting. The doctors are hopeful and so is mom so i'll try and remain positive but being so far from home ('bout a 7hr. drive to the D/FW area) is very difficult. There are times i wish i could move back home and help Mom take care of dad and the Grandparents and yet at the same time there are things going on here in MS. that keep me rooted. I want to do whats best for my family and keep the proverbial roof over our heads while Marie takes care of Xander and yet her having a job would certainly help ease the tightness. So what to do...

on the other hand, here's what's on my plate at the moment for those who want to keep tabs:

1. movie shoot next month, but part but plenty of background work.
2. Improv troupe getting it's second wind with good showing at Laughingstock.
   
3. Podcast series - Midweek Massacre - beginning next week.
4. Radio Theatre Troupe to begin next week.
5. Band is getting some exposure, finally due to open mic nights around the city. Demo cd is 1/2 done with more tightening this weekend.
6. Moving to new place week after next, upstairs jones!

new beginnings

so, guess this is a place to share thoughts and feelings and since i have trouble doing this face to face with people, this will be where i'll try and shed some light on my daily events. So...let's begin.